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 Park Engineering

 John Park, 32 the Loaning, Motherwell, North Lanarkshire, Strathclyde, Scotland, U.K. ML1 3HE

       mobile 0781 8618547

 "e" mail jpark8@btinternet.com (click on this to send me an "e" mail)
 this web site   www.3d-cad-steelwork.com


Home / Index


all my comedy stuff.htm




PS Autogrinding.htm

Glasgow Humour.htm


Gyles Brandreth Witty Quotes.htm


Chick Murray.htm

 Cad Projects



 Client List


Company  Profile




 My C.V.


 Jokes & Cartoons


  Favourite links


    Frequently Asked  Questions


 Hardware and    Software


 Customer      Feedback


   Printing            Services


 Cad Tips


 Funny Pictures


 Interesting       Stories


 Bird Flu Humour


 Cheaper Car fuel


 Most   embarrassing moments


130 Year old Joke


Recommended Books


Jokes by type


Park Family Tree


Name and Shame


Tekla Models Sceenshots


Tekla Custom Components.htm



 Weekly Rants


 Terms &            Conditions


Tekla Structures Hints & Tips


Motherwell Masters Swim Club


Computer and Web Design Hints and tips


British Hospitals - True Stories.........

work of the Bonkle Poet William McCormack "Memories O' Hame" and other poems

the poet among other things Bill Baron Irvine


Model Stair Stringers in Tekla


Forbes Gentleman


Robert Burns's Auld Lang Syne


Tekla Structures hints and tips working in drawings


Tekla Advanced Topics.htm


Tekla all my stuff.htm


Tekla Components my Standard connections.htm


ARC Steel Commercials.htm


Calder Fabrications.htm


James Cowie & Co. Ltd.htm


Craig Engineerig.htm

Weldon Engineerig.htm


Anhop Metalwork.htm


Coda Fabrications.htm

Roof Edge.htm


Mansard Roof.htm


Kenny Ball.htm


Marti Pellow.htm




Kathy Kirby.htm


Billy Fury.htm


Petula Clark.htm


The Eagles.htm


Adam Faith.htm


The Searchers.htm


Bob Dylan.htm


Glasgow Humour.htm


Crosswords, a century of fun..htm


Statins Divide.htm


Cassius Clay.htm


Robert Smillie.htm


Charlie Landsborough.htm




Howard Hughes.htm


Tom Clancy.htm


James Patterson.htm




Belhaven Engineering.htm




Neil Sedaka.htm


Jim Davidson.htm


Buddy Holly.htm


Martin Luther King.htm


Charlie Drake.htm


St Vitus' Dance.htm


The Temptations.htm


Elvis Presley.htm


Billy Connolly.htm


Mrs Brown's Boys.htm


Crooner Kings.htm


Saucy Holiday




Jim Reeves.htm


Jack the Ripper.htm


Ken Dodd




Lionel Richie.htm


Ross Noble.htm


Stan Laurel.htm


Dick Turpin.htm


Chang and Eng Siamese Twins.htm




Waterloo Road.htm


Miranda Hart.htm


Kevin Bridges.htm


Tim Vine.htm


Morecambe and Wise.htm


Ku Klux Klan Jokes.htm


Rugby Jokes.htm


Library Jokes.htm


Miller Steel.htm


Miller  Fabrications.htm


Hoop Ladder jobs.htm


Stand Up Comedy, can it be taught.htm


Wilsontown The first ironworks in Lanarkshire.htm


Knicker Jokes.htm

Soul Legend Percy Sledge dies aged 73.htm

Cliff hits ace dies.htm

Stand by Me star Ben E King, dies at 76.htm

Ruth Rendell, Final Page for a great Author.htm

Charley Pride.htm

Oscar Wilde.htm

Frankie Boyle.htm

Zoe Lyons, ElieTaylor, Sara Pasco, Janey Godley, Susan Calman, Sara Millican, Sandi Toksvig.htm

Tom Jones.htm

The Proclaimers.htm

John Bishop.htm

Tommy Cooper.htm

Ricky Gervais.htm

Val Doonican.htm

Rosa Parks. I Have a Dream by Martin Luther King.htm

Joan Rivers.htm

Benny Hill.htm

Susie McCabe.htm


The funniest man who ever lived..htm


Patsy Cline







Richard Gadd




Weekly Rants 3

Iron Horse Pub

Jason Byrne

Alan Carr

Lenny Bruce 3


Bobby Vee hits Take Good Care Of My Baby and Rubber Doll

Joe Brown recalls when he was bigger than Beatles



peter,manual,the,beast,of,birkenshaw,fails,to avoid,the,noose.com/




Nancy Riach The Lass who won all


What did they do before doing stand up

Hardie vehemently opposed the first world war

bernie keith








Female Comics Janey Godley, Sarah Millican, Susan Calman, Gina Yashire, Kerry Godliman, Shappi Khorsandi, Sandi Toksvig, Ashli Bea, Sara Pasco, Ellie Taylor, Zoe Lyons.

Susan Calman

A Qualified corporate Lawyer. Glasgow born Calman 40, gave it up for comedy 10 years ago.

Sample Jokes

Contrary to popular belief, I like men a lot. If I found one in my house, I wouldn't hurt him. I'd just put a glass over his head, a wee piece of paper underneath and pop him outside.

My wife is always saying to me that we should be more spontaneous. I say 'Fine When'

This bloke walked into the pub and ordered a triple brandy. After he took a large mouthful of it he said to the barman. 'With what I've got I shouldn't have done that' The Barman said 'Why, what have you got ?' The bloke replied 'about fifty pence'  

I love my cats. Every night when I'm on tour, I Skype them. All over the country in budget hotels there are confused people because all they can hear is me screaming 'Say you love your mummy', and there's never the sound of a child to be heard.

Radio 4 listeners make the best audiences at gigs. I don't get heckled but I do get quite a lot of stern tutting when I swear.


Ellie Taylor

Essex born Ellie read English literature at York University. The 31 year old wet into modelling before taking up comedy in 2011.

Sample jokes

My wedding was a like a fairy tale. It wasn't magical; it's just that I've got an ugly sister.

I'm pretty tall. I had an ex-boyfriend who said that I reminded him of an king sized mars bar. I said: 'Is that because I offer a little bit extra and only a real man can handle me?' 'No, because you seem lika a good idea but I always feel sick afterwards'  

I love the brutal honesty in long term relationships. I asked my partner the other day if he thought I had a moustache. He said: 'No... not in every light'



Zoen Lyons

Raised in Ireland, Zoen, 43, won the funny woman award in 2004 and Dave's Funniest Joke Fringe (With an unprintable one-liner) four years later.

Sample Jokes

My decision to take the job in the lobotomy clinic was, in the end, a no-brainer.

I don't make jokes about morbidity obese because they'll come down on you like a ton of bricks.

I did a long bike ride through Brittany wearing cheap clothes and garish jewellery. It was the Tawdry France.

In certain parts of Scotland you can see large numbers of Puffins, or heavy smokers as I like to call them.


Sara Pasco

Sara, 33, lives in London with fellow stand up John Robins.

Sample jokes

So, apparently a debrief doesn't mean 'Take your knickers off'

For my birthday, I bought myself new glasses. Now my observational comedy has really improved.

My new favourite word is 'Namaste' which is Indian for 'the yoga is finished now'


Sarah Millican

Milligcan,39, is one of UK's most successful comedians -- she is a millionaire with her sell-out tours and chart topping DVD's.

sample jokes

He spiked my drink with speed I didn't mind so much. Well, I got loads of hoovering done.

There's a song called Big Girls Don't Cry, Yes they do. They cry because they're fat. They can't get a boyfriend. And they cry because there's no trifle left.

I bought a cross-trainer to keep fit. I suppose it's not enough just to buy it.



Sandi Toksvig

Sandi, 57, was born in Copenhagen. She began her career at Cambridge, writing and performing in the first all-woman show at the Footlights.

sample jokes

Two snakes in the jungle. One says: 'Pst I've forgotten. Are we poisonous?'   The other snake says: 'Why' 'Oh, nothing,' 'It's just that I've bitten my tongue'

Ambulances are to become more accommodating to obese patients. They'll include wider stretchers, more cardiovascular equipment and a range of hot or cold sandwiches.

When I was young, my father taught me to swim by throwing me into the deep end of the pool ... and then slowly filled it with water.



Aisling Bea

Born and raised in Co Kildare, Aisling, 31, took a degree in French and philosophy at Trinity College, Dublin and then went to the London Academy of music and Dramatic Art. 

I'm not very keen on exercise. I just don't like to move very much. I don't even listen to sad music in case I'll be moved.

I love sitting down. I asked if I could do my gigs sitting down but they said they couldn't legally classify me as a Stand Up.

Kim Jong-uns hair must be working for the US government because It's certainly not working for him.


Shappi Khorsandi

Shappi, 41, fled to the UK from her native Iran at the end of the seventies with her family after her father wrote a satirical poem deemed to have been critical of the prevailing regime.

It's no fun being a broody Iranian woman. Every time I say to people 'My body clock is ticking' they would hit the ground.

I'm going to India on holiday and I wanted to know what the weather is like there. So I phoned my bank.

Whatever they say, the supermarket is not the best place to pull. I was in one with my little boy the other day and this guy said to me: 'Oh, is that your child?' He was really fit so I went: 'No, no, he just came free with three bottles of wine, which is kind of true.'

Gina Yashere

Gina, 41, a former lift engineer, won the best female gong at the black entertainment & Company Awards in 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2007.

Cyberbullying? Because kids are now to fat and to lazy to punch each other in the face, school bullies are taking money by Paypal.

When I came out to my Nigerian mum many years ago, I wanted to tell her something to dilute the shock. So I told her I was a vegan.

I'm so horrible at fitness I got a personal trainer ... and he got fat.


Kerry Godliman

Mum-of-two,Kerry,39, has supported Michael MacIntyre and played Hannah in Ricky Gervais's C4 comedy.

When I was single, I would ring up Man With a Van numbers and say 'No need to bring the van'

My friend told me she's given up drinking during the week. I told her she'll dehydrate.

Why do baby clothes have Pockets? Where are they going? I've never seen a baby patting their pockets saying: 'wallet, keys, phone .. Let's go'  


Jane Godley