John Park, 32 the Loaning, Motherwell, North Lanarkshire, Strathclyde, Scotland, U.K. ML1 3HE
mobile 0781 8618547"e" mail firstname.lastname@example.org (click on this to send me an "e" mail) this web site www.3d-cad-steelwork.com
"My wife's got an hourglass figure" Say's the the bloke in the
pub. He continued. "It takes her 60 minutes to get her knickers over her arse"
Q:- What's the difference between party decorations and a pair of knickers ? A:- The decorations are taken down after the fun's been had.
Friends are like a pair of knickers. Some crawl up your backside. Some snap under pressure. Some get a bit twisted. Some you love. Some are cheap. And some cover your ass when you need them to.
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on". She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers" she said. "That's right..." said the husband, "...and don't you ever forget it. "I'm the man who wears the trousers in this family". With that she flipped him her knickers and said "try these on". He tried them on and found he could only get them as far as his knees. "Hell...", he said "I can't get into your knickers!" She replied "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your f**king attitude changes"
A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I've just been given this state-of-the-art watch by Q and I was just testing it. "The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me", he explains. "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers..."The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!" Bond tut tuts, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
What do you call two thieves? A pair of knickers! Two guys are leaving work when one says: "The first thing I'm going to do when I get home is rip my wife's knickers off." "You're that horny?" "No, the elastic is killing me."
After ten loyal years working at the local factory, Nigel and Trevor were laid off, so first thing Monday morning they made their way to the Jobcentre. When asked his occupation, Nigel said, ‘I’m a panty stitcher. I sew the elastic into cotton knickers.’ The clerk looked up ‘panty stitcher’ and, finding it to be classed as unskilled labour, gave Nigel £100 a week benefit money. Trevor then approached the counter and explained that he was a diesel fitter. As diesel fitting was considered to be a skilled occupation, Trevor was awarded £200 a week. When Nigel learned how much his friend was being given he was furious, and went storming up to the clerk, demanding to know why his mate was collecting double his own pay. ‘It says on my list that diesel fitters are an intrinsic part of the skilled labour force,’ explained the clerk, patiently. ‘What skill?’ screamed Nigel. ‘I sew in the elastic, he pulls the knickers on and says, “Yup – diesel fitter!”’