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'She was rude, vain, embarrassing, an incorrigible liar .... and hilariously funny. But to me she was just mother' Melissa Rivers on life with Joan. Incorrigible means bad and impossible to improve
Joan's tips On being yourself 'Always be yourself unless you're going to be boring on that day, in which case do us a favour and be somebody else'
Are we there yet? Pleease? The five scariest words that came out of my mother's Mouth were, Melissa, get in the car' There were few things more frightening that being in a car when she was behind the wheel -- and that includes skydiving and swimming with sharks.
Joan's tips On Maths 'Melissa, I can do tips and discounts, and figure out the number of gay men in an audience to make a good show. That's all the maths you'll ever need, unless you're planning on being an accountant.
I came across Joan at the Royal Concert Hall in Glasgow. When she first walked on to the stage, she turned and looked behind her and said 'I was in here seeing the manager this afternoon and said to him the first thing I need behind me is an eight piece band. And what does he do? He hires a four piece band and puts f***ing mirrors behind them' And sure enough that's what was there. Joan was the best ever female stand up of all time and I'll always hold her in the highest esteem.
My mother was a terrible driver: How bad? You know sometimes you're driving along the motorway and all of a sudden thousands of cars start slowing down to a crawl and then stop for no apparent reason? She was the reason. She believed that 30 miles per hour was the appropriate speed for anywhere -- the driveway, past schools, fast lane of the motorway. Once, when I was 10 or 11, we were driving slowly in the fast lane and cars were honking and drivers were rolling down their windows and screaming at us, so I said, Mom, don't you think you should go a little faster? All these people might be in a hurry and have something important to do." She said, "They have something important to do? We all have important things to do. So they're five minutes late."
Funny Foul-mouthed friend for Monarchy
Many assume Prince Charles got his Goons-style sense of humour from his father -- we reckon it was actually his mother to blame writes Craig Campbell. You may find this hard to believe, but there have been strong rumours that one of the Queen's closest friends was Joan Rivers. Charles, in fact, hinted at this closeness when she died saying: "Joan Rivers was an extraordinary woman with with an original and indefatigable sense of humour and an enormous zest for life. Rivers was at Charles and Camilla's wedding, and did a special show to mark his 60th birthday. And, according to those in the know, Joan was often seen having a laugh with his mother. If she got on with woman as fiery as Joan, who has out ruler actually disliked?. Well, it's said she got out of knighting Mick Jagger, and she felt John Lennon was 'vulgar' -- and was delighted when he sent back his OBE. Finally, not certain what she thought of the late Labour leader Michael Foot -- all we know is that she mistook him for Ken Dodd.